Thursday, July 10, 2008


are flooded with light. High summer skies and an abundance of sunflowers greet me whenever I slow down enough to notice them. Things are changing for me lately. So much happening that I almost cannot get the words out to express how incredibly *different* it all feels.

Since I last shared here, my "baby" turned five. She is growing like the leggy stem of a sunflower...taller by the day and now aware, as she said, that "At five, people know some stuff." I look at her and feel the Earth shifting underfoot. A big yellow bus is going to take this girl away into elementary school in a month's time. And, if all goes as it should, I will be spending my days back in high school...this time, though, instead of being the dreamy girl scribbling poems in the back of her science notebook, it will be as a teacher--getting my students to scribble poems in the backs of theirs. But, nothing is certain yet. I've been interviewing and "putting it out there" and waiting to hear. Still, it feels like an excited variety of waiting, not laden down with anxiety about where I'll be...but curiosity, since I know I'll land somewhere! This sense of knowing is just one inner shift for me...

My "oldest" has started her emergence from childhood into adolescence, now standing just a handful of inches shorter than me. I looked back through old photos of even just a year or two ago and it is scarcely the same girl. As the mother of an almost twelve-year-old, though, what else can I expect but transformation? My boy hasn't had a haircut in ages...when I tried to encourage one he smiled that mega-watt grin of his and said, "Mom, haircuts are for school. I'll get one when summer's over." So he looks up at me through a curtain of gold hair over his blue eyes and my heart swells with admiration for his his open-minded summer l-o-v-e.

Blueberries are raining off of the bushes in the yard and the lavender is intoxicating bees and butterflies for miles around. I've started the harvesting early because there are so many blooms and the growing season ahead is long yet. With the tender flowers, I am making ribbon sachets, lavender lemonade, and bundling other clusters for drying into the homemade incense I burn all winter long--literally breathing in the summer even when the branches are bare outside and frost licks over the windowpanes.

Creatively, I am drunk like the bees are...spiraling over words and drinking them down as pleasurable gifts, not as workhorse tools. It means that nothing is flowing in a linear way. Now, whenever I read about writers discussing their "process" in nebulous and foggy ways it drives me mad. Tell me what you really do...I want to say, don't speak in circles--speak in straight lines. But I suddenly am in a creative space where inspiration comes in waves and curved edges...nary a direct "line" to be found. I cannot tell you *what* I am doing or *how* I am doing, but can only say *that* I am doing and, for me, that's good enough. I also had a deep thrill to see my work in the museum exhibit I mentioned in my last post. It was just beautiful...I also was beyond happy to be mentioned in the current issue of Poets & Writers Magazine. Admittedly, it was just an announcement of my grant win--but since I have read this magazine with the fervor of a religious novice for years and years, my name in beautiful bold print made my summer. It really did.

In one week's time, I will celebrate my birthday. I am expecting a whole year of continued metamorphosis for myself...and I plan to kickstart my wishing year by participating in this inspiring project of Jessie's:

If you are reading this and feel motivated to join in I hope you will...go ahead & Be Brave, you know you want to.


Blogger kristen said...

wow D, this is such a rich post. your words always lure me in, i always want more.

your homemade incense sounds intriguing, esp. because it's made from lavender.

i'm off to the garden store myself - i need cat mint and cone flowers and now, i'll look for lavender.

yes please, a beach meet-up. perhaps early august? xoxo

12:58 PM  
Blogger daisies said...

your summer sounds full and fertile and filled with love ...

now i have to google how to make incense from lavender since i grew some of my own this year ...

i too am trying to be brave .. such a good project ...

much love, xo

12:58 AM  
Blogger Deirdre said...

So much growth and change this summer.... Good luck with the interviews. Such a nerve-wracking process.

I'd love to hear how you make lavender incense. I've got one plant and will plant several more in the next year (what I really want is a whole field of lavender). Yesterday morning I made my first lavender wands and have enough stems left on the plant to make a few more. The scent is pure summer.

1:46 AM  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

Okay...I think I may have a post brewing with the details for lavender incense! I promise to get that up in the next few because trial and error over the past three years has gotten me closer to what works. In the meantime, if you start harvesting--do small bundles (the leafier stems the better), bind them at the bottom and hang them to dry. The other choice is to put fresh blooms in oil (olive, believe it or not, is great). Then after a few days, strain, and viola--you've made your own essential oil and it can be used! I didn't realize lavender-lovers reading along here would be curious about this, but I'd be glad to dish on details!

10:28 AM  
Blogger Odessa said...

d, you're words are delicious. like kristen, i want more. you write about summers and inner metamorphosis in a way that i could never express but can clearly relate too. thanks for inspiring me today. oh, and thanks for the link, i might join you brave ones too. :)

4:17 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

You are a beauty, and your words reached right through the lines and ruffled my hair. Like I was sitting next to you. Like you are looking into my eyes and saying to me, "lighten up".



8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Creatively, I am drunk like the bees"

This spoke so deeply to me. I love how you described your children here and the changes you are experiencing.

Happy birthday to you dear friend. You are going to have another AMAZING year.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

happy birthday beautiful.

oxox :)

2:54 AM  
Blogger Melanie Margaret said...

Happy Happy Birthday!
I hope you have the best year ever full of love and life and joy!

You are a very Brave women...someone who is so full of inspiration.
How I would have loved to have you as a High school teacher!


9:13 AM  

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