There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out, but I'm too tough for him. --Charles Bukowski--
He wants freedom or love--
but I've neither in abundance for anyone--not even myself.
Let him go and he fades out against the sky. Gone. Lost.
& I'm too broken already to deal with this.
Why the brokenness? Why these tears that mark my face in ugly red welts...
the good people of the world giving me a wider berth,
bowing their heads, as if in prayer--ignoring me as I pass by.
So sadness is contagious then? Don't look at me too long...
Don't unveil your eyes to meet my wounded wilted iris--
b/c I saw him and he was so handsome
b/c I saw him and he was a stranger
b/c I saw him and he played ball with my son for five full minutes--
b/c my son said, "Your muscles are strong, like my Dad's."
And a low wail--a lonely bluebird--lodged in my throat
until I swallowed him back.
Freedom or love...all I cannot give.
His hands waved away the first spring fly, threw a ball, swung a bat,
ran through the furrows of his lightning silver hair,
did everything, but reach for me.
What I wouldn't give for his benediction, his blessing...
take care of that lovely family of yours, girl.
I lamely said, "I will."
He said--I know that. He said--Of course.
Then he was gone again and I crumpled against the door-frame, weeping.
My baby with her too blue eyes came and wiped my tears, snapping,
"Why? Why?"
lifting my shirt to search for my wounds...
finding only feathers where my heart should be.
He wants freedom or love--
but I've neither in abundance for anyone--not even myself.
Let him go and he fades out against the sky. Gone. Lost.
& I'm too broken already to deal with this.
Why the brokenness? Why these tears that mark my face in ugly red welts...
the good people of the world giving me a wider berth,
bowing their heads, as if in prayer--ignoring me as I pass by.
So sadness is contagious then? Don't look at me too long...
Don't unveil your eyes to meet my wounded wilted iris--
b/c I saw him and he was so handsome
b/c I saw him and he was a stranger
b/c I saw him and he played ball with my son for five full minutes--
b/c my son said, "Your muscles are strong, like my Dad's."
And a low wail--a lonely bluebird--lodged in my throat
until I swallowed him back.
Freedom or love...all I cannot give.
His hands waved away the first spring fly, threw a ball, swung a bat,
ran through the furrows of his lightning silver hair,
did everything, but reach for me.
What I wouldn't give for his benediction, his blessing...
take care of that lovely family of yours, girl.
I lamely said, "I will."
He said--I know that. He said--Of course.
Then he was gone again and I crumpled against the door-frame, weeping.
My baby with her too blue eyes came and wiped my tears, snapping,
"Why? Why?"
lifting my shirt to search for my wounds...
finding only feathers where my heart should be.
©C. Delia Scarpitti 2005
1 Comments:
Thank you, Mr. Incognito. You are a gift...
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