Wednesday, May 10, 2006

I DO...Unless of course, I DON'T

I have been "tagged" by the lovely, gifted writer, Susannah--to reveal my "DO/DON'T" list--so here goes nothing...

This picture of myself as a young girl prompts a pre-list thought, however, I do think my parents should have forced me to eat more. But, I digress...

I do wish I knew how to trust myself more.
I don't want to listen to dissenting voices over my own.

I do love to breathe in the deep warmth of freshly brewed coffee--watching it pour into mugs like brown ink...the scent conjuring up memory and potential.
I don't like drinking it.

I do try to take a solitary walk with intention each day...sometimes, I cover miles, sometimes just a few paces to the mailbox, counting clouds and new leaves as I pass.
I don't always find the meditative silence I seek there...sometimes, every step is just another self-accusation.

I do appreciate my brother's humor, my sister's enthusiasm, my mother's love, and the wit and energy of my in-laws and extended family.
I don't tell them this nearly often enough.

I do look at my children, their friends, my nieces and nephews, and the scrawny boy who smiles when he bags my groceries--and see the future.
I don't know what kind of world we are leaving for them, and this worries me.

I do love my father with all that I am...and I do believe he loves me too.
I don't know where his house is, or what he grows in his gardens, or how he spends his holidays. I don't know why...but, these question marks etch themselves in my mind.

I do have two tattoos--a butterfly on my hipbone and the Zodiac sign for Virgo on my left ankle.
I don't regret either one...the butterfly I had inked there on the eve of my 19th birthday to signify my transcendence over pain and fear of death--or the symbol to honor my Virgo brother who died and whose loss I wanted to commemorate on my skin.

I do always remember to bring my tiny black-velvet "mojo bag" with me in my pocket, filled as it is with gemstones, crystals, and talismans for protection, clarity, and balance.
I don't always remember my wallet.

I do consider myself a interest in hearing the untold stories of women is profound; my anger when equality is not upheld is fierce; and, my hopes for women and work and choice and strength are idealistic.
I don't hate men...know a number of amazing men, am currently raising a future one, and am aware that my most intimate life relationship is with a man like no other.

I do believe in marriage between any souls who love one another and seek that type of commitment--no matter what their sexual orientation may be.
I don't understand how people can be threatened, angry, or violent over LOVE.

I do believe in peace.
I don't see how we can believe in anything else and expect our world to continue to exist.

I do have publication credits, a rewarding position as a Book Reviews editor, and a novel in the hands of an incredibly dedicated and interested young editor.
I don't know when I will call myself a writer and not feel those words stinging bittersweet on my tongue.

I do want to travel the world--resting on my laurels in any country who would have me.
I don't even have a passport.

I do notice the waxing and waning of the moon in the night sky. If asked at any given moment, I could tell you its phase and about how my mood corresponds to the silver celestial light.
I don't easily remember people's names, phone numbers, directions, appointments, dates, or bills to pay.

I do (secretly) believe in ghosts (though I've never seen one), luck (though I'm too nervous to discuss it), fate (though I believe in free will), Karma (though I sometimes feel it works against me), the "evil eye" (because I'm one quarter Italian), lighting candles to saints (though I'm a lapsed Catholic), and the power of dreams and premonitions (trust me, if I dream you're pregnant--you are).
I don't always believe in myself.

Now, I think I'll tag...YOU. Yes, that's right--if you're here and you've read along and you have a blog--please do go post your list and don't forget to leave me a comment so I can go and read all about it.


Blogger bb said...

This a beautiful, meandering and insightful list that I really enjoyed. Susannah tagged me too, but mine is so much more, well, *shorter* than yours!

p.s. I get the pregnant dream premonitions too- spooky!

11:35 AM  
Blogger Susannah said...

Delia, i knew your list would be amazing...

the tattoo i have on my back was originally a butterfly i had done when i was - yep, 19 too. it's now surrounded by a lotus flower (that's the one i DO like)

i secretly believe in ghosts too - and i also believe in *you*, even though you say you sometimes don't :-)

12:28 PM  
Blogger susan said...

what a wonderful insight to such a lovely person! i feel like i know you better now!
please please do not dream about me being pregnant! tee hee.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

You are so interesting. And I mean that in a good way! Congrats on your book. I would call you a "writer" just from your blog. ;) I think you are so good.

And I believe in all of the stuff you listed in the last one, and more. Ha! I also have pre-cognitive dreams. Seriously.

I accept your tag!


10:10 PM  
Blogger Lilian said...

This is really beautiful, profound post. I should definitely take it up.

I added you to my blogroll - as a writing mama!! (and this was before I read this post and encountered your despondency about calling yourself a writer)

10:16 PM  
Blogger deirdre said...

I love your list. It's kicked off some interesting thoughts about all of life's contrasts. I wrote a few of them on my blog.

11:43 PM  
Blogger art and soul said...

that was a beautiful list of do's adn don'ts. i am intrigued by the passage about your father, wonering how you have come to be able to love hi if you do not know him. i have a similiar situation and am not even close to "loving" him.
i like that you can dream something and it usually comes true, just this morning i was remembering my dream from last night...and wondering if it was a glimpse of something to come.
thanks for stopping by our blog!

8:08 AM  

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