Tuesday, October 03, 2006

IMPERFECTION, a portrait

My Fragmented Self

Someday, you will pick the person you want to be and commit to it with all that you have. Someday, you will find the voice to say who you are and not care how it sounds to others. Someday, you will learn how to juggle the teaching, writing, mothering, loving, and living without the stress eating away at you...without always feeling that something is being neglected. Someday, you will actually believe you deserve the gifts you have. Someday, you will be enlightened. Someday, you will change the world. Someday, you will find balance.

Until then, you will be broken into a dozen different selves. Until then, you will be silent when you should speak your mind. Until then, you will feel the pulse of fear in your blood, electric and jagged--how will you do it all today? Until then, you will highlight others' successes and downplay your own. Until then, you will stumble, fall, and rise. Until then, you'll avoid the news broadcast because it will just have another story of war, destruction, or of little Amish girls being shot to death in their tiny schoolhouse--you'll be lost in the waist-high paper corn stalks rustling just beyond the window frame barricade...this whisper, the last comforting sound these children heard before another crazed man pulled another trigger. Until then, this is an imperfection. Until then, like everyone, you must work to find your way.


Blogger la vie en rose said...

your words are so beautiful and the portrait so fitting. and yes, until then, if that day ever comes, all we can do is find our way through the fragments, gluing one little pieces to another until we feel more whole.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

I can see why you needed that quote today... I can hear the heaviness in your voice. And yes, the world can be over-whelming, somtimes. The ugliness. But you are a beautiful spark, please DON'T forget that. You are more powerful than you realize. Your talent for words, and for speaking the feelings we all struggle with from time to time, is powerful! And important. Don't you forget it.



12:19 PM  
Blogger rising to the challenge said...

these words ring so true...
thank you

and thank you for the comment on my own spc post too

fragments: a perfection reflection on so many of our lives and perhaps it is also worth reflecting on the beauty and power and fortune of being able to fragment into so many different things whilst somehow remaining whole (even if only barely... by piecing the parts together and gluing them into place -like your mirror- or threading them into a patchwork self). That is, after all, a life. and even if it ended tomorrow, each fragment would have been a valuable part of the world, in its own right (as a mother, a friend, a writer, a lover, a blogger :) and also as a whole.

1:01 PM  
Blogger deirdre said...

I keep hoping that all the fragments of myself will someday become more whole. And maybe from that more complete place I'll be more able to give better parts of myself to the world. In the meantime it seems to be good to find kindred spirits to share the jagged pieces and the soft places, to see that, somehow, we make something strong.

1:16 PM  
Anonymous kristen said...

how timely and perfectly captured is your image. this post is incredible.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Georgia said...

Sometimes gluing together our fragmented pieces can be a full time job.

Your writing is beautiful and heartfelt.


1:26 PM  
Blogger Bedazzzled1 said...

This is a tremendous portrait, and your words are most likely ones that everyone can relate to.

Brilliantly spoken and photographed.

3:49 PM  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

Lovely words and a beautiful portrait.

I adore what you said about gifts :))

and the amish story was shocking and made me cry

blessings to you, love


6:03 PM  
Blogger Intrepidflame said...

Perfectly done. Beautifully written. Once again I am really impressed with your prose. The picture is very imaginative and original as well. Looking forward to seeing your post next week.

7:56 PM  
Blogger melba said...

What an amazing portrayal of the topic. The portrait itself stopped me. and then your words. Yes I can relate to every one. Every One.

9:40 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

some day. yes. some day. i sometimes think that this is a lesson we learn and forget and learn again every day. the waves of understanding. if it were to come all at once we might be too overwhelmed with understanding...of course maybe that is the moment of nothingness. the sudden understanding of it all...
a beautiful post that speaks right to my heart. (wish we could have tea today...i wish...i wish...)

10:29 AM  
Blogger bb said...

oh nooooooooo!!!!! blogger stole my comment from yesterday!!!!!
what was i trying to say?
1) gorgeous, gorgeous portrait
2) i was feeling fragmented and unable to connect deeply with myself yesterday, until i came home to not one but two lovely cards from across the water that helped begin to build the connections i need inside and out again :-)
thank you x x x x x

11:35 AM  
Blogger Vedrana M. said...

beautiful portrait!

2:11 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

I think even your fragments are beautiful.

3:01 PM  
Anonymous Lunarmusings said...

I too am caught in that "someday". Your picture is so wonderful at conveying this. I loved it. And I am taking in a deep deep breath...

3:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lately, I've been feeling that my fragments are so far from each other, that I lie scattered in bits in every room of the house. So I needed to read this.

Thank you for the clarity that comes from the beauty of your writing.

3:55 PM  

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