Sunday, November 05, 2006


"Let us be thankful for small mercies, for those moments of beauty and recollection, moments of aliveness, that we manage to salvage from the deluge of our days." --Roger Housden--

This weekend has been full of these moments...after I taught my Saturday class I drove to the cafe, feeling slightly less pain than the recent crushing physical realities of late. I honked my car horn jubilantly at the people who bundle on the parking lot sidewalk every weekend morning waving "Honk for Peace" signs. I took a table by the window and wrote with my hot cup of chai watching. Trees are blazing up now, an inferno outside. I managed yesterday to notice it again.

I wrote and wrote...fresh fiction, though I haven't yet sent my other completed manuscript to the agents or houses my old would-be-editor recommended. (Yes, I do plan to soon...) The flush of creating new work stained my cheeks red like the blistered elms and I felt full. M. took our children to his parents' house as I drove the back roads home--then, he went for a six-mile run over the leaf-strewn hills and I sat down at the silent kitchen table and wrote some more.

I spoke to my brother on the phone, then I bathed--washing and combing out my long hair. We went to dinner, M. sipping a chocolate beer and my first food of the day actually agreeing to not rebel against me. Musicians started playing as we stepped back out into the cold November night. The moon was just a shred away from full and had a halo of clouds wicking away from her face. We drove home with the music loud and my heart was just a shred away from breaking with fullness all its own.

We passed the evening...just body aching again before bedtime with its familiar relentlessness. But, I held onto silence like the small mercy it was. I am trying to hold onto that gratitude for the inevitable struggles, surgery, and setbacks still coming. We woke to our empty house this morning and talked in that seamless spiraling way of a young couple without children, a mortgage, jobs, illness, life. Then, we sat in a diner over coffee and tea, smiling at our reflections in the mirrored walls...reveling in the final hours before we assumed our posts as parents again. I am not feeling as well as I'd hoped after a brief hiatus, but it was beautiful to have the quiet time to really enjoy at the newly-naked tree limbs, the creative work blossoming, and the man I wake up to each morning this past decade of my life. Now, I am ready for the vibrant, wild deluge of our children this afternoon...high tide again...

Why M. needed this time just as badly as I did...



Blogger melba said...

I read your words feeling my own ebb and flow again and again. It's that way with children for most isn't it? We love to be with them, but we Need breaks too.

Sending you energy and praying for some relief from your pain.


8:06 PM  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

Your words are brilliant and those last two photos made me *swoon*

What an adorable daughter and a super daddy....good sport too, because later on he has to rip those stickers off...ouch!

hugs ooo

8:27 PM  
Blogger Kim G. said...

Reading your last few posts I'm so glad you were able to get this time for you and your husband, but sad that the physical struggles seem to be creeping into your pleasures. I will be praying for wisdom as you decide what the next steps are and when to take them. Take care and be good to yourself - your wonderful family needs their amazing mama! Blessings to you all . . .

10:32 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

OMG, how much do I LOVE those photos, especially the last one!

It sounds like a lovely way to spend the day. Sending good thoughts your way, hoping you feel better~~~~~

12:06 AM  
Blogger Intrepidflame said...

The flush of creating new work stained my cheeks red like the blistered elms and I felt full.

You are so lucky. I am waiting for the tap to be turned on again. i love your eye and your writing. can I send you a story i have written for some feedback. i have let it sit for almost a year and want to get back to it, but don't know where to start.

12:17 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Even with the pain, you write beautifully. Thank you for your "Sunday Scribblings"

6:07 AM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i'm glad to hear
that you have had
a break and welcomed it...
i'm sorry to hear
that you are still not
feeling up to par
and hope you will be soon...

love the stickered up photo

7:56 AM  
Blogger lovegreendog said...

whenn these moments of childlessness come it is such a recharge!
hooray for you and your fresh fiction. i hope you have relief from your pain soon.

8:13 AM  
Blogger January said...

I thought chocolate beer cures what ails us?

I'm glad you and your hubby were able to spend some quality time together. Hope you feel better, and I hope you continute to find quiet moments to write and reflect.

Great photos, BTW!

10:12 AM  
Anonymous acumamakiki said...

Those photos are brilliant, total joy. I've never had chocolate beer but I think I would likey very much.
We haven't had (ever) a night free of being parents. We have a very small family and what we do have, is out on the west coast. We do dream about it someday and she's almost old enough for a sleep-over at friends!!

Sounds like a great weekend.

12:55 PM  
Blogger paris parfait said...

Lovely, poetic prose about your beautiful day. It's such a treat for us - your admirers - when you feel well enough to write. Hope the medical issues are sorted soon and you'll feel much better.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Nancy Bea said...

I love the sweetly tired patient look on the face of your husband, plastered with stickers! Same expression as in a painting I once saw by Hieronymous Bosch of Christ and his tormentors!

3:34 PM  
Blogger deirdre said...

A weekend of rest and small pleasures sounds like just what you both needed. I hope you feel better soon, that whatever the next step is it will bring you relief. Love the pictures too, they are precious.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Oh my GOSH, those pictures! Holy crap how cute. I just had to look and look at them. So sweet. Made me really smile. Your little girl is like a little you!

Your words made me smile. I am so relieved that you had a good weekend, with little pain.It sounded beautiful...

Deirdre and I both talked this weekend of how we would like to meet you in person. This sort of writing here is the reason why. It shines with your soul and talent.


6:54 PM  
Anonymous krista said...

The look on his face is priceless!

11:19 PM  
Blogger jim said...

What wonderful photographs!

10:24 AM  
Blogger Laini Taylor said...

What a wonderful day! I felt deep envy hearing about your writing "success", sitting down and creating new work with joy. I've been having such a hard time getting in a groove. But I'm hopeful the groove is right around the corner! And I'm so sorry for you pain -- surgery?? That sounds scary, but I'm not one of those people that are skeptical about "Western medicine". I am so grateful for surgeons! And I hope they can help you. And the pic of your husband with stickers all over his face is priceless!

11:58 AM  
Blogger rising to the challenge said...

I utterly agree with treasuring the opportunity to talk to your companion "in that seamless spiraling way of a young couple without children, a mortgage, jobs, illness,..." from time to time.

It makes me sad though that you are not feeling strong. It is so unfair that you should have to undergo this unremitting pain...

If all your readers could get together and agree to share a little ounce of it out amongst us to relieve you a little, I'm sure we willingly would.
Wishing you strength,

4:33 AM  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

Just making sure daddy got all the stickers off okay :)

oxo darlene

3:25 PM  

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