There is so much to be said now that words don't even hold up beneath the weight of the sky. I write for myself in my black-covered notebook or in the red one, the color of the Chinese maple leaves on tree outside. It isn't that I don't want to keep publishing my work or sharing it here, it is just that I am in a deep state of change. A few more publications still wait in the wings, but I've sent nothing new out there into the world in months. A quiet season folding gently in around me...Chrysalis heart and tender skin...New Moon tomorrow--dark night...
My novel is still waiting because life has asserted itself and given me little room to breathe or create just now. Old health issues from a while back have also revisited me and so the need to heal my physical self is absolutely vital, while the poet in me waits patiently, sharpening her pencils and organizing her stacks of paper. This time away from the computer will be about re-gaining my strength, trusting in the fallow time to teach me exactly what I need to learn, and renewing my bonds with the outdoors. Too many hot months hidden away from extended periods of time in nature is starting to show in me. I welcome the opportunity to go and sit at the edge of the cornfield with my wildies and count dark-winged birds as they feed on the remnants of the harvest. Impromptu lunches on worn quilts in the park beckon, as well as the approaching crispness in the air against my skin. The first of the leaves fall now where I am, tapping against my windshield as I drive winding backroads and notice how the grass lies flat in the field, a tender green woman's hair combed back by the season.
Reading about the Buddha's enlightenment and how weapons launched against him turned to blossoms before they ever came close and this is exactly the imagery I needed to understand my current phase of life--turning arrows into flowers. This period of rebirth is, for me, about turning wounds into things of beauty and insecurities into fully realized works. Slowing down, paying attention, being aware of how beautiful everything is around me--these are keys to my renewal. While I am taking a break from this online world, I am wondering...what do you do to renew yourself? How do you honor your own need for quiet times and chrysalis states? I wish a beautiful Autumn to anyone who happens by this post...and depart with a poem, this time by Ema Saiko (1787-1861), Japanese painter and poet.
This innermost room, with little to do,
is adequate to commit my plain life to.
Drink a bit, and I forget my clothes are thin,
an idea, and I let my brush run aslant.
Wind at the eaves, and the maple sheds its leaves,
on the wet stones the chrysanthemums fade.
All day with no guests visiting me,
I peruse books, delighted to learn.
p.s. I just had to mention that I have a short fiction piece appearing in the current issue (#7) of MotherVerse Magazine (in their DeepVoice section). Since this was the first fiction I've ever submitted and it has been published in such a wonderful place, I feel like sinking into my off-screen life will offer countless creative excuses for me. Hoping the same for each of you as well!