Tuesday, January 15, 2008


"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."
--Leonard Cohen--

If cracks let the light in, I am a shooting star--trail of luminescence streaming behind me. Over the past few months, every single thing I thought I knew about life, love, and myself has changed. To say I am on a journey into the next stage of "ME" is an understatement I cannot fully explain here now. But, this space has been fallow for over a month as I have moved forward through my process. It started to feel like it was time to at least give a whisper to my "traveling companions" out there to say that your comments and emails of quiet support and friendship have meant so much. So many of you have been in regular contact and still others have simply offered occasional inbox encouragement and gentle comment kindness. Thank you--each of you. One lovely soul shared a story of hers with me that was so beautifully written and profound I printed it out and have carried it with me in my notebook from cafe to cafe, pouring my heart out on page after page. She also sent me two photos to represent growth and I have framed them to hang in my bedroom and serve as visual touchstones for where I am going next. My future is still so unsure and I am clear on not going into my private story here (as sometimes, I recently learned, things I have posted on my blog have been misinterpreted). But, I have started a second "anonymous" blog where I am more able to express the emotions of my current experiences (email me if you'd like to know how to follow along there).

Many good things have been happening for me--including hearing from my home state that I was chosen to be a fellowship recipient as an emerging artist in fiction for 2008. This honor came with a financial reward and will involve public readings of my manuscript and forthcoming local publicity. To be acknowledged in this way has been such a gift for me! I am also still busy with my editorial post over at LiteraryMama, where my co-editor, Alissa, and I are currently seeking out mother-writers to submit for the "Faces of Motherhood" column we are resurrecting. Here is the call for those of you who may be interested:

Faces of Motherhood is about mothers rather than motherhood, opening a window into the lives of mothers who are outside the mainstream. We aim to give voice to mothers who might ordinarily feel silenced, and to foster awareness, understanding, tolerance, and compassion.

"Outside the mainstream" is open to interpretation, and can include mothers who are anything from filthy rich, on welfare, lesbian, very young, very old, adoptive, transgendered, runway models, prostitutes, gestational surrogates, in prison, Hollywood celebrities, immigrants, polygamous, addicts, Muslim, homeless, politicians -- anyone who is not June Cleaver (which we realize is pretty much everyone -- but that's kind of the point).

Word count: 1000-1600 words. Non-fiction, real–life accounts only. Pseudonyms are fine as long as we can verify the author's true identity.

Please send queries and submissions to lmcolumns (at) literarymama (dot) com in the text of an email. Include the word "Submission" in the subject line of your email, and allow 4 to 8 weeks for a response.

To close now, a poem by Mary Oliver in the spirit of "traveling companions" everywhere. It is an old, familiar set of words--ones my roommate from New Mexico gave me as a parting gift several years back...but, ones I have only fully *inhabited* now. I will be checking in on you all--hoping that 2008 has been kind so far.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

--Mary Oliver--


Blogger ...deb said...

I am so, so , so happy to read your words. Thank you for glimmers of lights, even when they glitter, fractured as it were. Your words always touch me.

And congratulations on the well-deserved award!

If you care to share your anon blog with me I am at flkr at comcast dot net.

3:24 PM  
Blogger kristen said...

i've been thinking of you like mad lately, you must have been picking it up. (=

i'm excited for you and i stand next to you dear friend, as you metamorphis into you.

i would love access to your anon blog, if i may.

i'm still hoping for some time in january. xoxo

4:37 PM  
Blogger Susannah said...

you are truly the warrior writer woman - do you know that, sweet D? i've been thinking of you a lot recently, thinking of changes, and wanting to call you up and tell you of mine too. life doesn't stand still for long does it..... sending so much love to you xo

5:25 PM  
Blogger GreenishLady said...

I am hoping all will be well with you. Congratulations on the fellowship! That's wonderful! ... I too would like to know where to find your new blog.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I would also love access to your new blog...if you are willing to share.

1:15 AM  
Blogger BB said...

Mmmm ~ would I like access to your new blog ~ what do you think?!!! ;)
Sending you much love, my shooting star friend. You truly and deeply continue to inspire me xox

3:03 AM  
Blogger Lilian said...

I don't know if I commented back in December, but I wanted to let you know that you've been in my thoughts. I'm so glad you checked back with us. And thanks for sharing that wonderful poem as well as the call for the LM column. I may try to contribute since I'm an "alien" (not quite an immigrant just yet) and as such I have felt very lonely and isolated as a mother. I'll email you for the anonymous blog link.

Congratulations on the award, you certainly deserve it! And may it lead to the fulfillment of your dreams.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

it's so good to have you back. i have missed your beautiful, thoughtful, rich posts.

congrats on the fellowship! that is amazing! wow!

i would love to follow your story of becoming at your new blog.

ps--on Monday's post I gave you a Roar of Words award...

5:38 PM  
Anonymous Kimberley (at Red Moon) said...

I have been checking in here often and I am so pleased to find your words. The Cohen quote is one I posted over my desk (and other surfaces about the house)back when my life was going through tremendous change. You have often been on my mind and always hoping the best for you. You beauty, courage and creativity stuns and inspires me.

Congratulations on the fellowship!

12:50 AM  
Blogger Laini Taylor said...

I'm so glad to see you back here, so happy for you for your fellowship (YAY!!! SO deserved!!!), and so sorry to hear you have been going through such upheaval. I would love to follow you to your new blog. xoxo. Be well.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Melba said...

I missed you! I am so happy for your well deserved fellowship.

I wish all wonderul things for you!
I gave you "you make my day award" on my blog last week

4:04 PM  
Blogger paris parfait said...

How wonderful that you've been bestowed with a fellowship! Yes, change happens in an instant, both good and bad. For some reason, I always feel more inspired and present in my world when I read about what's going on in yours. Wishing you all the best with whatever comes next! Am emailing you. xo

12:34 PM  
Blogger Kim G. said...

So glad to read your words and would love to follow your story on your new blog. Congrats on the well-deserved recognition of your craft. The call for mama-writers intrigues me: not sure I fit as an "out-of-the mainstream" but I sure feel like it most days. :-)

4:46 PM  
Blogger m said...

so happy to see you back!!
congratulations and i'm sure that's many more to come.
and much more magic.

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been following your blog for awhile. Your writing transcends me! I would love to follow along at your new blog but understand if you are unwilling to share since I am a nonblogger. My email is myhipiechck@yahoo.com

8:30 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

HOW did I miss this post?? WTH? lol
And I have missed you so.

I am so proud of you, and happy for you being recognized for your amazing talent. It just makes me happy. :)

...You know, the very best people have lots of cracks. In my belief, these people have the strongest, bravest souls, to choose to learn from life and pain. To learn to heal the cracks. In my book, you are full of light. Don't doubt that. ;)

oxox :)

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so thrilled on your award! Honestly, you are such a fantastic writer...you never fail to inspire me. :)

I would love to read your anon blog too. I just like you so much.

3:59 PM  
Blogger January said...

I'm glad to see you back to blogging. Please tell me where I can find your other blog so I can follow along, too (jgill27494@aol.com).

And I'm so happy about all your recent sucesses. Woo hoo!

Hope you and your family are well, my dear.

11:52 AM  
Blogger pink sky said...

welcome back. it is a beautiful day to find you her again! and celebrations on your wonderful, and i am sure well deserved, award!it would be wonderful to follow your journey unfolding on your new anon blog (i've thought of doing this myself ;), as you are so inspiring. i think we have both traveled lightyears over the past few months, so i completely know where you are coming from. love to you.

8:23 AM  

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